Slowly Crawling Out of My Self-Imposed Hibernation

I successfully made it through both high school and college without attending any major parties.  I have never been to a "kegger."  I did go through a phase in my mid-twenties when I enjoyed going to a local karaoke bar every week but that was short lived because eventually it wore me out.  That's just really not my thing.  You see I'm an introvert.  When it comes to the Myers-Briggs personality test I'm an off the chart introvert.  I can handle places with a lot of activity for about 10 minutes and I'm done.  The noise, the busyness, the commotion, the crowd, all of it totally wipes me out.  I'll be fine and then suddenly it will hit, bam, no energy left.  I'll be laughing, participating in the conversation, doing a little flirting then suddenly I become this big bump on a log, staring into space, tuning people out, and saying absolutely nothing.  If I do happen to go to some type of party/dinner by the end of the evening I'm the one quietly keeping to myself.  I've found this to be true with Girl's Nite Out as well.  As much as I love a Friday with the gals it does require a lot of energy from me.  I'll be hanging with my girlies, having a perfectly wonderful time, when I'll just suddenly feel exhausted and feel the need to crawl inside myself.  I'll get very quiet and often people assume I'm not having a good time or that I'm upset about something.  The truth is I'm having a fine time because I've shut down and I'm not really "there" anymore.  I'm somewhere deep inside myself replenishing my energy sources.

I think something very similar to this happened over the holidays.  All the doing and going, all the busyness and commotion just became a little too much and I crawled deep inside.  It all just felt a little overwhelming and I shut down.  I have n ot turned on my computer for the past several weeks for anything other than editing photos, updating my Netflix queue, making a few on-line purchases, and visiting You-Tube...oh yeah, and there was the night I spent hours goolging information about Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi...not really sure what that was about other than we were watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas (narrated by Boris Karloff) and it suddenly sparked my interest in old Hollywood horror flicks.  I have not checked my in-box since Thanksgiving until tonight...and I have a whopping 800 e-mails.  Yikes!  (Let's hope most of them are spam.)  Although I didn't read any of the 800 e-mails I did notice several of them are from you guys.  When I saw some of your names in my in-box I suddenly felt this ache, an ache for this blogging community.

Over the holidays blogging just felt like too much.  With everything else going on around me in preparation for and celebration of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years I just didn't have the energy for blogging.  I had good intentions.  For weeks now I've intended to post something, even if it was just a little something to let you know I was okay but taking a short break.  But by the end of the day I just didn't have it in me and anytime I thought I might actually attempt to turn on my computer I felt almost panicked about it.  I had some kind of weird computer phobia that only shifted this evening when I saw how several of you have reached out to me over the past few weeks just to check in and make sure I was okay.  I really appreciate it and yes, I am okay.  I've just been doing a little hibernating. 

I"ve started slowly crawling out of my hibernation over the past few days.  Yesterday I actually cleaned out the fridge (it's sparkling) and gave my car a good cleaning (and it needed it.)  Today the B-Dog returned to school after being off two weeks for Christmas break so we should soon be getting back into the swing of things, back into our routine.  At work we had our big Spring financial aid disbursement last week so this week the phone calls, orientations, etc. should start tapering off.  All the busyness that has been going on around me is finally starting to quiet and I'm feeling a little more courageous about poking my head out of my cave and coming out of the dark.  I don't know how long a process the actual emerging will take but I did want to let you know I am fine.  I just needed to crawl into myself for awhile and disconnect from everything so all the activity of the season wouldn't totally and completely do me in. 

Comments

[Sam]

I'm just happy I didn't have to send for the search party, after all. I'm so impressed that you could get on the computer and avoid your email. I think you are a very evolved being. :) So good to have you back in blogging land!

[shona]

phew, glad you are back. being the opposite of an introvert I hear you, but can't relate. I need people and am energize by them. it is good to hear the opposite story. I am glad to click here and have something to read again :)

[Tickled]

See the names have all changed since I been around
But the game ain't the same since I left out
Ooh you know we need ya, ooh you know we need ya
Right here is where we need ya, right here is where we need ya

[Frankie]

I'm so glad that everything's okay! I completely understand about the hiberation, the shutting down, the needing a break. I'm that way too, but have never really been able to articulate it as acurately and gracefully as you have here. Sometimes it's all just too much.

It's funny, because I'm twenty-two and I hate going out. Not out, exactly, but "out" the way my friends want to, to noisy bars and loud clubs. Totally not my scene. I can't bear to be anywhere where I can't hear other people speak. Often I am standing outside of those places, talking to the smokers. It's just nicer that way.

ANYWAY, I didn't mean to ramble on. I'm just trying to say I understand, me too, and thank you.

xoxo

[Kim]

I, too, thought of emailing and then thought it would be intrusive. Knowing you were enjoying some quiet time ;) I too, suffer from the introversion melt down all of the time. Do you think bloggers are all introverts? hmmm, funny to think of that. Hope you holidays were good ... xoxo Kim

[bella]

girl, where have you been? i've missed you!
*i haven't read your post yet.. i'm about to do that* just wanted to say "hi" and that you were missed.

[Thea]

Hi love-
glad you are ok. Have missed you.

Totally get what you speak of, and am glad you didn't push to come here or check your emails. You need that time.

I love you and miss you. Eesh I think I said I missed you already;)

XOXOXOXO

[kelly]

holy crap....me too. my mother hates this about me. she takes it personally. but it is a joke with bryce and me. one minute i am fine, the next i am searching for him in a crowd with the "lets go" face!

glad to have you back, i have missed you!

[luzie]

good to see you're back! i can so relate to wanting to hibernate and needing time-off.. sometimes we just need to disconnect and be with ourselves for a while.. that's important for everyone, but even more so for us introverts.

[Swirly]

I was a Meiers Briggs extrovert in college and when I took the test again a few weeks ago I was a solid introvert! I understand the need to pull inward for a while...I applaud you for taking so much time away from the computer!! Happy New Year!

[eileen]

seems like the consensus is.....you are understood! winter feels like the right time for me to go inward also. the beauty of your blog is that you come back as you are able. sounds like your holidays were full and the i hope the new year unfolds with love.

[gkgirl]

introverted behavior i totally get...
:)
and i am happy to see you back

happy new year to you.

[gkgirl]

introverted behavior i totally get...
:)
and i am happy to see you back

happy new year to you.

[ceanandjen]

I, for one, absolutely understand...business and crowds and too much too do...it all makes me want to run and hide. I am glad that you did exactly what you needed to do and also glad to hear that things are beginning to quiet down.

Welcome back and a warm Happy New Year to you!!! xoxo

[Angela]

wishing you comfort and joy through the new year, it's good to see you again :)

[jenica]

it's just about doing what's best for each of us. i took a break too for most of december. part of me ached to be blogging and reading, but really... really i needed to replenish myself, and my family. and i AM the extroverted one!

i'm always happy to read your posts. and i hear and understand the need to pull away once in awhile.

{hugs}

ps how feasible would it be to plan a soulful bloggers weekend in cali this year? what time of year would be best for you?

[claire]

Welcome back - I missed you!

I'm an introvert as well so I can well relate.

At New Year we had a small gathering for a BBQ, and it was great because by the end of the night after an enjoyable few drinks there we were, 5 introverts silently sitting under the stars mesmerised by the campfire, each in our own little world sharing the company of others. It was the neatest party!

[Beth]

Amen to all that !! I could have written the same post about myself. But I didn't. Only because my family reads my blog and they would be surprised (and worried) if they knew the real me.
People know I'm a homebody, but they have no idea the strength it takes out of me to be out with anyone doing anything for any length of time.
My hubby and kids are great....they do know me, but for the rest of them, they have no idea. They think they know me, but they don't really.
I could hibernate all winter, but one of them (extended family) would want to have me commited !!
Thanks for always being so honest and sharing "you" with all of us !

[Rachel]

I get the same on school holidays too, it's the lack of structure for us all in this house. We lay around in pj's until lunchtime and achieve very little, the less we get done the less we want to do. Back to school, everyone knows what is happening next, job done, happy family and lots more energy

[liz elayne]

i've been thinking about you often and am glad to know things are okay. you are taking care of you and that is most important dear one.

sending you peace and light and a huge hug.
much love,
liz

[Lizzie]

I figured that's what it was. I was the same way with my blog, just 1 post in December (after a successful post-a-day in Nov for NaBloPoMo). I didn't get a lot of hibernation time, but am trying to be better at balancing all that there is with all the ways I need to take care of myself. You can do it, too. Welcome back!
Lizzie

[megg]

missed you honey - glad to hear that you're okay!!

xo

[Jennifer]

So glad to hear from you, and hear that you are ok. I was worried about you. Take your time, fill up your soul, do everything you need to do for yourself. We are not going anywhere.

[Georgia]

Welcome back :) I too have been taking a break for a while... not entirely back yet either. It has been a very enjoyable and very needed break for me :)

[January]

Welcome back, and Happy New Year! Every once in a while, a little self-preservation is necessary. Glad to have you back!