A Poem for Thursday

They lie across the bed side by side
facing each other, their bodies only
a breath apart.  They both carry secrets
in their brown eyes, they both have hidden
and visible scars, they have both grown old,
grown into a place where they are tired,
tired of having too little and being afraid
of giving too much.

"I'm not sure I know how to do this,"
he whispers tentatively as he brushes
a few strands of hair from her face
with his fingertips.
"Neither do I,"
she assures him.
"All this is new to me and I'm scared.
Everyday I want to turn and run
the other way."
"Me too," she whispers,
pulling his body closer to her own,
resting her face on his weathered skin,
"but I'm so tired of never showing up
and loving only a little.
I don't want to be afraid of being loved
or worse, of being seen.
I'm too old for games and lies
and holding back.
I'm too old to not take this risk,
to not stand here with nothing
between us.  I'm too old to
only give you parts of myself
instead of my whole self.
I'm too old to keep hiding,
to keep tucking pieces of myself away.
If I keep holding on to them
I'll never fall apart and if
I don't fall apart I'll never find myself.
I choose you.
I choose you to push against,
to scream at, to make love with,
to discover myself with and
I want to be brave enough
to give you all my humanness.
I want to be brave enough
to accept all of yours."

"What if I can't sit
in so much love?  What if
I can't accept so much
humanness?  What if
I can't look you in the eyes or
let you look in mine?  What if
I can't let myself be loved?"
he asks, his head bowed and
his fingers laced between hers
as if in prayer.
"We could start with a few promises.
We could promise if we want to run
we'll tell the other.  We could promise
if it gets too be too much we'll say when,
than back away until we're ready for more.
We could promise to look each other
in the face.  We could promise
not to lie to ourselves any longer.
We could promise we're in this together."
He wants to make promises
just as she wants to make promises.
He wants to know who he really is.
She wants to discover all her secrets.
He wants to fall in and never look back.
She wants to open her arms
and take it all in.
He closes his eyes, bites his lower lip,
falls into her body and whispers
his answer in her ear.
She breathes in the scent of his skin,
kissing him lightly on his graying temple,
then lets herself slip into the
dark corner of his chest.

And that's what could have happened,
and that's what could have been,
if only one of them had rolled over,
if only one of them had given in,
if only one of them had found the courage
to clear their throat and stop
staring at the wall.

Comments

[LD]

Wow.
Very nice.

[Crafty Green Poet]

Very poignant and moving.

[Lin]

Sweet friend....imagine a rainbow....we are standing on top...counting down to three to go down...to discover what is at the end of the rainbow...hold my hand...and take a peek at http://periwinkle-lin.blogspot.com/, to have the actual peak at a fabulous artist!
It felt to me as if I have found THE pot of gold...for today! :-)
Hold my hand...let's count...3....2....xx

(for when you feel like a magical adventure!)

[joleen]

thinking of you. hope you're well. :) come back soon.

[Lin]

This is beautiful...

I'm too old to keep hiding,
to keep tucking pieces of myself away.
If I keep holding on to them
I'll never fall apart and if
I don't fall apart I'll never find myself"

My husband and I have been together for 16 years now...we are highschool sweethearts...and this is what I told him...I have to be able to share and work through everything...I asked him if I should decide to go for counseling if he will be here to comfort me...and he answered..."no, I'll be here to celebrate with you'...
TangledWings...I hope your wings are untangled...embracing every moment with him!
xx

[tinker]

This is so poignantly, humanly raw and beautiful...thank you for sharing it. I think many of us have faced that wall some time or other. If only...

[Marc]

Thank you for sharing this piece, it was delightful.

[Georgia]

This really hits home for me right now.

Thank you. I totally need to roll over...

[Tickled Pink]

Bravo! Like so many other who've already posted, this poem left me speechless. Your writing is so real and in the moment. Amazing.

[Jeris]

So, so beautiful Michelle.

[Jeris]

So, so beautiful Michelle.

[DebR]

That's beautiful, Michelle, but I SO wanted the hopeful ending for them. The ending made me sad...but it's very true to life. It's a truly wonderful poem - a punch in the gut, take your breath away sort of poem. It's one that should be published somewhere.

PS..on a MUCH less serious note, look for your name on my blog tomorrow. I just got a silly little award/tag thingy and I'm passing it on to you. ;-)

[melody is slurping life]

I'm searching for the words to comment, but am left speechless. That means this is really good.

[melody is slurping life]

I'm searching for the words to comment, but am left speechless. That means this is really good.

[melody is slurping life]

I'm searching for the words to comment, but am left speechless. That means this is really good.

[jenica]

the end made me cry. really powerful, michelle. i loved the beautiful imagery of the two faces and bodies turned so close to one another.

ROLL OVER!!!

[daisies]

*gasp* wonderful ...

[Irene]

amazing. amazing.

[JanePoe (aka Deborah)]

What could have been. That just got me. Brilliant ~ JP/deb

[Beth]

Oh Michelle....this one gave me goose bumps. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy ?? This should be what you hear at the beginning of the show when Meredith is saying her "thoughts".....SERIOUSLY...send this to them, NOW !!!!!

[Sam]

Oh, in the name of all that is holy - this poem is. Holy. Magnificent. Michelle, this is exactly what we're all afraid of. You've expressed our fear and our longing for love in a monumental way. So, so wonderful.

[Lori]

Absolutely amazing! So raw and real! This is very vivid and people can completely relate, which is what people aim for with writing - you have completely nailed the emotions. The ending is breath taking - I love the part if they had found the courage. Wonderful writing!!!!!!

[megg]

wow.

you have a real gift. wow.

xo

[kristine]

If only you knew how much this resonates with me. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. Oh, you are so amazing. My goodness, you are such a beautifully amazing writer.

[liz elayne]

so much truth...

this is my favorite line:
"He wants to fall in and never look back."