It's Either Bravery or Studipity...

...and I certainly hope it's the former. 

As you know I photographed my first wedding last month.  Although the bride was very laid back and supportive I still ended up stressing myself out to the point of being sick.  At the time I said I would never photograph another one.  It was just too much.  My drive for perfectionism can't handle the strain of weddings.  Well guess what?  I'm photographing another wedding...tomorrow...  When I've thought about it this week I've had knots and butterflies...maybe butterflies tied in knots...in my stomach.  I made myself push it away and not think about it so that I wouldn't over think it and get myself unnecessarily worked up.  But now it's here.  It's tomorrow.  T went with me tonight to the rehearsal to help me work out the logistics with my flash (one of the reasons I was so stressed out at the last wedding--I couldn't get it to work correctly) so I think I'm ready...or at least as ready as I can be.  So I'm taking very big breaths, giving myself little pep talks, trying not to let my perfectionism have too much power, and showing up tomorrow afternoon to do what I know how to do--take pictures.  I'm not saying I want to become a wedding photographer.  But I do want to be a better photographer and one of the ways to do that is to pick myself back up and try again.  To not give up so easily.  To continue to put myself in challenging situations so that I can learn and grow.  To give myself permission to be a beginner.  To even give myself permission to do it badly.  The only way you get to where you want to be is to just keep doing it.  So that's what I'm doing.

Comments

[ceanandjen]

And you did, and somehow I have a feeling that you were amazing, even through the stomach butterflies. You rock.xoxo

[daisies]

: ) yay!! i am so glad you are tackling it all!! have been away on vacation but am back and enjoying playing catch up on my inspirations! xox

[schmoops]

most definitely bravery! Yay! xoxo

[angela]

Yes!!! (that's me cheering you on)
:)

[shona]

Way to go. This is awesome that you are just going ahead with it. I have been reading a lot about success lately and facing fear, and all that stuff. You are living it! Awesome.

[Star]

Good for you, Brave Girl! I'm excited for you; I think you'll come through today with flying colors and discover another little piece of the photographer in you.

Keep breathing!

xoxo Star

[Kirsten Michelle]

absolute bravery, michelle!!!
what a great idea to go to the rehearsal last night to work out some of your anxiety.
you're going to do great...breath deep...and have fun, you beautiful, talented woman you!!!

[deirdre]

Yep, that's courage. When I'm scared about something I try to visualize success and that it was easier than I'd thought. It tricks my brain into excitement instead of fear. You'll do just fine. It's all part of the learning curve and you're an amazing climber.