It was so bad that when I got home I ate three slices of cheese...

...and I would have eaten more but Trey said he was making pasta for supper and that he would pick up a wedge of Parmesan...so I was looking forward to a nice thick chunk of that...but when he went to the store he forget it...so I didn't get my Parmesan.

Dear Readers, the wedding did not go so hot.  I really appreciated all your well wishes and your encouraging words but it really sucked.  I know it was my first one and that I need to go easy on myself but right now I am saying I will NEVER photograph another wedding again.  They are way too stressful for my sensitive nature.  I'm sure you all think I did well but I didn't.  I'm telling you the truth...it was a nightmare.  Whatever wedding photographers are being paid they totally deserve it...and then some.  Photographers work their butts off at weddings because they are trying to be in several places at one time...and be creative to boot.

I woke up at 3:30 in the morning scared that I had missed the wedding and was going to be late.  Of course I wasn't but then I couldn't go back to sleep.  So for 2 hours I looked at wedding photography websites (not that I hadn't looked at all of them already..at least a million times) because I wanted to inundate my brain with creative ideas.  And may I just say all of the sites I looked at took the pictures outside.  I don't know how they do it.  I don't know how they talk brides into going outside in their wedding dress. 

The bride wanted me to meet her at the hotel at 7:30 (and yes, that is AM!!!) to take preparation pictures and then we were scheduled to arrive at the church by 9:00.  You would think that 2 hours to take photographs would be enough but it wasn't...it was just too nuts.  I was so stressed out by everything that all my creativity went right out the window.  I basically took uncreative, traditional wedding photos and I was really disappointed in myself.

Friday night I practiced and practiced with my new flash and I had it down.  At the hotel it worked fine but once I got to the church it wouldn't work correctly so I just had to wing it.  I've been scared to death to look at the photos because the lighting in the church was so poor that I'm afraid without the flash none of the pictures turned out.  I called T on the drive from the church to the reception for a pep talk because I was so freakin' stressed.  Throughout the reception I just wanted to go home because the stress was building in my neck and shoulders and working its way up to my head.  Plus since I'd been up since 3 freakin' 30 I was flat out exhausted.  When I did finally make it home I went straight to bed.  But of course I couldn't sleep because I had a curious 4 year-old who kept sneaking into my room asking, "Mama, mama did you marry?"  He didn't quite get it.  By 11:30 Saturday night I still had not fallen asleep and my headache had increased to the point that I was sick to my stomach.  Not fun.  I spent all day Sunday in recovery, laying in bed with an ice pack on my head trying not to throw up.

I finally downloaded the pictures to my computer tonight.  There are 544 total.  Surely there will be a handful of good ones, right?  I told myself I didn't have to download the photos until the weekend was over, that I had permission to step away from it for a day or two.  I promised myself that if I at least got them on my computer tonight I didn't have to look at them.  I could wait on that until tomorrow.  Well I went ahead and looked at a few tonight and they're not as bad as I thought they were going to be..but they're not good either.  They're mediocre.  But right now I'll settle for mediocre just to have this over and done with. 

Now for the post processing...

Comments

[Anna]

I just want to thank you for sharing this! I'm about to launch my first business~ residential organization~ and I'm getting sooooo nervous now that it's time to actually start. The phone rang the other day and I didn't recognize the name on the caller ID, and I had a huge pang of *Aaack! What if it's a client?! I have no idea what to do!* So, thank you again, for helping me to feel more normal. :) On we go!

[meg]

I think people (all of us - photographers or not) forget that shooting a Wedding well is a REALLY DIFFICULT JOB!

It takes several weddings to be able to anticipate moments or be over here instead of over there - not to mention the constant lighting battle at many venues takes skill and mastery as well as unbelievable patience. It is very, very stressful and difficult but also incredibly rewarding to come out with stunning images. I am sure the couple knew this was your first one??
Take a deep breath.
If it were easy, everyone would do it. You are already ahead of the game and even better -- you survived!

[shona]

You rock! How awesome that you took your fear and faced it and now you are even bigger sharing your disappointment with us. This can only make you stronger. And anyhow, i bet you got some great photos. Even if they are the standard wedding shots that is better than nothing! And I am sure some of your creativity snuck in there, how could it not as you are an artist?!

[jenica]

alright, i have nothing more to say than what has already been said. but you are wonderful, *some* pictures will turn out, and now you better understand your own stress limits. (((hugs)))

[Sam]

I agree with everyone, in that shooting a wedding is probably one of the hardest thing a photographer can do! But I also feel sure that it went better than you think - and all of my favorite shots of our wedding are the quirky ones - the ones that captured the mood or the edge of something beautiful. I'll bet your bride will be happy.

[MOlly]

I'm sure that was very, very hard, but know that you did something good and wonderful and captured their special day, and this person knew you hadn't done it before... giving up would be too easy. You are GOOD at what you do, and it would be a shame to not to share that talent on that special day. This coming from someone whose wedding is less than a month away... gulp! Maybe you can practice by apprenticing a pro wedding photographer?

[Lee]

Yeah, but YOU DID IT!!!
Scared, sick, overwhelmed - you still followed through and did it!
Congratulations!
Good luck with sorting through and working with the photos! Not to mention "processing" everything you learned!
;o)
- Lee

[eileen]

hard now to image all the insights, lessons, and answers that this experience will provide. but in a months time this can be seen as an event that moved you into a new place....

[Lee]

Weddings are not easy. You deserve a bunny stamp for turning up. Everyone at a wedding has a different agenda.

The good news is that you WILL look back on it and laugh!

[Nancy]

I feel for you. I have been to so many weddings the last few years and tried to take some snapshots, only to be disappointed in all of them. It all happens too quickly for you to concentrate on being artistic. People are stressed, hyper or having too good a time. I think that is why wedding photographers charge so much, it is a very stressful job.

PS. I was viewing some wedding shots this weekend taken by a first time wedding photographer, and she took thousands to get a few good ones. It took me forever to get through them because she took three of every shot. The bride was not happy with any of them, because she said she looked too fat. So I guess you can't win.

[Nancy]

I feel for you. I have been to so many weddings the last few years and tried to take some snapshots, only to be disappointed in all of them. It all happens too quickly for you to concentrate on being artistic. People are stressed, hyper or having too good a time. I think that is why wedding photographers charge so much, it is a very stressful job.

PS. I was viewing some wedding shots this weekend taken by a first time wedding photographer, and she took thousands to get a few good ones. It took me forever to get through them because she took three of every shot. The bride was not happy with any of them, because she said she looked too fat. So I guess you can't win.

[maile]

I have been there! You have NOTHING to be dissapointed in yourself about! You should be SO PROUD for pushing yourself. For trying something new. For being totally and completely BRAVE! Weddings are SO much wory. They are always laden with stress, no matter what. Personalities and timelines get tangled up and it can easily turn into a brutal mess. I did a few in the beginning and came to the SAME conclusion. I'M NOT A WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER AND NEVER WANT TO BE. Also, I've been doing this 15 years and NEVER regretted it. You can make great money in this industry AND be totally HAPPY and CREATIVE and FULFILLED, WITHOUT touching another wedding. So be SUPER PROUD of yourself for doing something that tons of people are TERRIFIED of trying. You stepped out. And no matter what the outcome was, the success was in the doing. YOU ROCK!

[bee]

i cannot even imagine what that must have been like, michelle.

(hug)

i echo the other support here. you are a wonderful photographer and artist, even when you think you aren't...i really believe that.

[Heather]

Yikes, that does sound so stressful. I'm sure some will be just great. For a first time you have to leave a margin for error, and learning, you'll get better.

[Henna]

I did a wedding for a friend last year. Man, stressfull isn't even the word. The photos turned out well, but not like I wanted them to. I won't do another one!

[daisies]

i'm sending you an email later today when i have time but i wanted to say that i am so sorry that you had a less than positive experience ... as others have said, i'll bet there are more than a few shining beauties in there that you are just not seeing right now, you are likely exhausted (both creatively and emotionally ~ i know it always takes me a few days to recover from a big shoot) and your beautiful artistic eye is not going to see the diamonds right away ... sending you a warm hug with an email coming when my work day has wound down!! xoxox

[christina]

Sorry, beautiful. I'm absolutely refusing to believe that they turned out badly. I am POSITIVE it is your perfectionist streak---I know it because I have one of my own. Keep this in mind: the bride & groom will be happy with photos--traditional or creative, because for them the entire day passed in a blur. Please, please, please give yourself permission to feel okay about them. I'm sure hundreds of them are lovely and just perfect. You have a wonderful eye, and are exquisetly talented. HEAR ME, please. You really take amazing pictures. xoxox!!

[Hel]

HAH.

I only did a wedding once. You did better than me. I got so depressed at having to photograph people sitting at a table and trying to catch the bride unaware that I started taking photos of a dog sitting at people feet. Then I wandered into the garden.

Those were the days before digital cameras. By the time I got out of my creative haze I had some awesome photos, no film left and not a single photo except the first couple of terrible ones, of the bride, the groom or any of the guests.

Sigh.

But I learned my lesson.

NO WEDDINGS.

Unless they hire a professional who can take those perfectly stiff posed numbers. I will then bring my camera and take the unexpected shots unobserved.

Your magic is capturing that which most people ignore. That is difficult when you too are one of the wedding features.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you find some good shots.

Now go outside, look at the sky, roll on the lawn and forgive yourself for not being a weddding photographer ;)

[Star]

I have more thoughts than I can share here, so look for an encouraging e-mail from me. :)

I admire your courage in tackling this new area of photography and know it will be just the first step of many before you break into a run.

[Victoria]

I think this wedding stuff has gotten way out of hand, it's more of a show than a sign of love. How can a sensitive soul like you photograph stuff like that? Maybe you shouldn't.
I don't know. But I do know I love your blog because your photos and posts warm my heart and encourage me. If you did publish a book, I would definitely buy it and give it a special place in my house. Please don't be discouraged if weddings are not the right path for you. From my own experience, wrong paths are what tangle wings.
Peace,
Victoria

[gkgirl]

awwwww...
i'm sorry to hear that
you felt it went so badly,
and i wish you were closer
so i could pat your back
and scrunch my nose
and try to make everything ok.

(hugs)

[joleen]

PS- If it's any consolation, I left my wedding on Sat. with an *incredible* migraine.. if I would have stayed any longer I would have thrown up and I'd had for the Mother of the Bride to think I'd gotten drunk! lol. I pretty much crashed in the BATH of the hotel that night and then moved over to the bed eventually. So, just wanted to say, I hear ya. ;)

[joleen]

Aw, big hugs to you! There is much to be said for great PPing. ;) xo

[DebR]

Aw {{{{Michelle}}}}}
I'm sorry it didn't go well.

But yes, among all those photos there WILL be some good ones and you can do a lot of improvement with photo editing too.

[love squalor]

i am just breaking into photography myself, but i am doing the wedding photos for my sister in-law in august. i was anxiously awaiting word of your first wedding, and now i am scared! hehehe, not that i wasn't keeping myself up at night about it anyway. having gone through the hell of it now, do you have any words of advice for someone who is about to follow in your footsteps.