Wanting to be Wanted

Tell me I'm not the only one.  Tell me you know what I mean when I say there are times when I ache to be wanted.  Not in the typical way we think of being wanted.  Not like the desire to be wanted by a companion, spouse, or lover (although there are moments when that occurs).  Not like hoping to be wanted by a certain group (although there are moments that occurs too.)  I'm talking about a deeper sense of the word wanted.  I'm talking about being wanted on a larger scale, being wanted by the Universe.  I'm talking about those moments that crawl up on your chest and sit there, the weight crushing your ribs against your heart, when you want nothing more than to be used up, spilled out, emptied.  Not in an exhausted, dried up, nothing-left-to-give kind of way but in a poured-out-to-make-room-for-more kind of way when all my gifts, talents, and abilities are being utilized in a manner that brings a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction.  Perhaps this longing is always brewing just under the surface but there seem to be moments when the ache is more intense.  And it's in those moments I can't quite seem to reconcile my longing and my emotions.  They clash often resulting in a pressure that builds under the eyes and at the back of the throat.  I carry it around for days, weeks, until finally the smallest of life's moments opens the door and it all tumbles out, sometimes in tears, sometimes in screams, sometimes in a heavy sigh and a sudden release of tangled, tight muscles.  It could be that smile you needed so desperately.  It could be the purple and gold sky as the sun sets.  It could be some fabulous vegan cookies sent to you by a fellow blogger.  Or it could just be the quietness of the house at the end of the day.  And when that moment has settled, clearing the way for the next one to come, you realize what you truly long for is that continuous cycle of being emptied and filled and emptied again so that your life and your days resemble the only thing that can fill the ache--passion.  You realize you want the Universe to lean down and whisper, I see you and I will use everything you have until you have been completely spilled out.  That's the kind of wanted I'm talking about.      

Comments

[nikol]

i see you, michelle, i see you, i get it... tonight, it makes my heart break open and the weariness behind my eyes soften to your light and truth... beautiful...

[beansprout]

Yes, I can tell you you're not the only one. Yes, I can tell you that I know what you mean when you say there are times when you ache to be wanted. I do too! Like you, I long for "the Universe to lean down and whisper, I see you..." i think we all need to know we are wanted.

[Jeris]

By your writing, you are using your extraordinary abilities. And, your posting today gave me just the type of inspiration that I've been wanting.

Thank you.

[Melba]

I never would have chosen the word wanted, but I understand wanting the world to use me. I pray often that I live up to my potental and I pray for help with releasing control. Because for me ego steps in. I feel this huge calling to make a difference in a Big way; I KNOW that is my path, but sometimes my thoughts spiral to what giving will get me. and it is then I have to pray some more and ask for help to get clear. To ensure that I am living my truth...even though I Know what I am meant to do, who I am meant to be...I am not Always sure.

I feel the weight of the beauty of the world and it leaves me breathless...

[mom on a wire]

You write from my heart, I think.

I need the world to need me, to know I exist and use me for something wonderful. After years of depression and feeling like I would be doing the world a service by not being here anymore, I want proof that living was the right decision.

I am waiting.

[Darlene]

I need my creativity to evolve with me. I end up educating myself on many levels. This makes me soar! Learning something new and doing it.

Yes, we all need to be poured out to be filled back up again.

Great post!
love you michelle
xxx darlene

[snowsparkle]

wow! love the ideas in this piece and the way you write them...so vivid and vital! awesome piece!

[Caroline]

What beautiful writing. The form fits the content so well, and then it's hard to find the place where the feeling turns around, like when you can't find the end of the scotch tape on the cartridge.

I experience something so close to this really often. I remember learning the French expression "Je me sens de trop." Like "I feel like I'm extra, or unecessary." I feel my own value, but can't seem to match it with the right pocket in the universe.

Thank you for being brave enough to write this and for sharing your gift of exquisite writing.

[Misty]

http://www.tut.com/mmm.shtml

Have you checked that website out? You get little notes from the universe daily. It's a wonderful way to start the day.

You are SO very wanted, it shines through in your words, your beauty, your soul...you just have to have those days to realize how much you really are wanted...otherwise, how would you know.
I am grateful for your existence, I am grateful to know you...to feel a connection to you. I am grateful for your words and how beautifully you put them together. Thank you.
Take care dear one. xo

[jos]

You know, I've never thought of that. Not like that, anyway. It's an interesting concept.

Food for thought today...

[tongue in cheek]

Yes. Exactly that, being full to the point of overflowing and wanting to pour out, to give and give and give, unitl your bones ache with dryness. Yes. I have felt that want you are talking about.
Michelle you are a waterfall, beautilful and clear!

[Pecos bluee]

yes i think everyone wants to be wanted that way, no?

[letha sandison]

Oh Michelle, you are wanted my dear!!

It is wonnderful that you have so much to give and the willingness to give it. That is a rare thing in this world of ours and I am grateful that you are in my world!

We will have to help one another to spill more freely and fully.

XOXOXO

[gkgirl]

i think i get what you mean,
your context of 'wanted'...

it is an interesting
concept to think about,
and you have written about
it in such an inviting way

[Colorsonmymind]

I gitcha sister.....really got you.

Great post.
Loving you

[samantha]

This is the perfect way to express it - and sometimes the need to be wanted by others is manifested by that deep desire to be something bigger, something that matters. Not famous.

For awhile I felt absolutely distraught, in that I didn't have anything I felt really good at. It was all a part of the issue you so eloquently discussed here. I hear you, as always, baby, I HEAR YOU.

[Alexandra]

Beautifully expressed and I think I know what you speak of and long for as I very much do as well, wanting to use yourself up so nothing is left at the end, leaving nothing left untapped, undiscovered, unexpressed. And I see Poemcrazy on your sidebar! Isn't that the best book? I often take it out, one of those precious books you can open to any page and feel richer for it.

[Swirly]

Big WOW...what a beautiful post. I think this is what we all want, really, and what we all struggle with in our own way. So, so lovely...I am going to print this and paste it into the journal I'm taking with me on my trip. THANK YOU.

[Brony]

I too have known that sense of wanting to be wanted. To have the universe see me for who I am and what I have to offer.

But if I want that to happen, I need to start making my waves now, start being hurt. Then when it all comes to an end, and I am looking down I on the world, I will hopefully see how far my ripples have reached. It is that moment that I know I was not only wanted, but also used.

[Marilyn]

Like Melba, I'm not sure I would have thought of "wanted" as the word to describe it, although it does, perfectly. Yes, I know the feeling. My word would probably be "desire"...the desire to be used in way that lets me feel fulfilled. Not as a feast for my ego...but to be used as a vessel, an instrument...to get out of my own way to let the divine flow through me. To feel that satisfied moment when I think: YES, THIS is where I'm supposed to be right now...THIS is what I'm supposed to be doing. YES!

[Dan]

Michelle,

You and many of your posts are lovely beyond description, whether you realize it or not.

[Boho]

you
are
wanted,
my friend.

i have a sneaking suspicion that you will definitely feel wanted in about a month. hee hee.