Exploring Sexy

You're going to be reading a lot about sexy in the weeks to come.  While fullness is my word for the year sexy seems to fit right in the middle of the full and the ness.  It's a topic I've been thinking a lot about since I completed Liz's two month mirror meditation last fall.  After sitting in front of a mirror for 6o days, opening my heart and mind to my beauty, learning to accept and embrace my body, sexy seemed like the next logical step.  It was the next challenge in enlarging my self concept that I wanted to explore and excavate. 

There seems to be several of us out there in the blog-sphere toying with the word sexy and what it means to us.  I'm right there with ya.  Lately I've been asking myself why sexy has suddenly become such a hot topic for me, why I feel like I'm not sexy, and why I'm longing to embrace my sexiness.  I've even started an art journal solely for the purpose of recording my thoughts along this journey.

Why sexy?  Sexy means different things for different people.  When I consider the word I imagine a woman deeply connected and in tune with her body.  I envision a woman who has pushed even further than embracing her beauty and has begun to tap into her sensuality, her sexuality.  For me beauty and sexy overlap but they also co-exist.  And for some reason, probably all my body issues, sexy is more intimidating than beauty.  I can pull off beauty but sexy often leaves me feeling awkward, childish, and embarrassed.  For me a woman who has stepped into her sexiness is a woman who is truly learning to be comfortable in her own skin.  If beauty can fill a dark room with light then sexy can make that room spin. 

So I'll ask the question again.  Why sexy?  Because I want that kind of connection to my body, my sensuality, my sexuality, my femininity.  I want the confidence that comes with embracing sexiness.  I want the swing in the hips, the sassy flip of the hair, the inviting smile.  I want to feel alive in my body.  And hell, I'll admit it, I wouldn't mind cracking open the door to let a little more sex flow into my life. 

As I'm filling my journal with thoughts about sexiness I hope to also come here and get a little sexy discussion going with all you lovelies.  And yes, I'm including all you males out there.  Women do long to know what men think, we really do.  I'd love to hear the thoughts and opinions of all of you out there.  Who knows, when all this is over I may just write a book--The Sexy Revolution.  How does that sound?  Because after all, I want every woman to feel they have the right to be sexy. 

I want to explore my ideas about sexiness, my fears surrounding being sexy, and what holds me back.  I'd love to hear your stories too.  So tonight the question I have for you is what is your opinion of sexy?  Let's start discussing the idea of being sexy.  You never know.  We really may start a revolution.

Comments

[bella]

I share many of the same opinions you do on this subject of sexiness. I know many women who are beautiful both physically and internally - but not all of them are sexy. I also know a few 'plane jane's' who don't put a lot of fuss into their hair & looks, but they have this natural sexiness about them.
Sexy to me, radiates off of a person. I don't think it is learned, I think it is within all of us. It comes more naturally to some - and sometimes, they're not even aware of it! To others, it needs to be explored and brought out.
That could take years or it could take days - I guess it depends on how easy it is for one to embrace that side.
I'm not afraid of sexiness, and I know I am sexy. I have very big confidence issues with my weight right now, so I've covered up the sex kitten part of me and put her away for awhile - intentionally. (Well, she comes out once in a while:)
This will be a good journey for you, so enjoy it. There is sexiness in all of us, and as you discover yours little by little, you'll always be aware of it, and it will always radiate off of you.

[amy]

When I think about sexy, Maria, one of my best friends comes to mine. Maria is fully comfortable in her many abilities...music, writing poetry, etc. She is a mom of 4, and has had all sorts of body types throughout her pregnancies, but she is sexy as hell no matter whether she is wearing sweats or a dress. She loves openly, and hard, and she is intelligent. She's constantly improving herself by learning and growing. I guess that what always stands out is that Maria is always fully herself...she is confident, she embraces what she's goin' through and she is just sexy, sexy, sexy.

This is a great topic!

[tongue in cheek]

When ever you see anything that seems sexy, say it out li out loud. If it is Sexy hot, say that it is "Sexy Hot!" If it is sweet and innocent say it! Label it out loud. Sexy sweet!
The first step in acceptance, is being able to say it out loud, isn't that one of the first things they say in.....Sexy can be many things, which is the label that causes you to turn your head away?
You look sexy in red, especially in your red shoes Michelle!

[gkgirl]

i also have a hard time
with this...
i (heh) have a hard time
saying the word sexy
without feeling weird even.

i think i probably have
alot
to work on
in that area...
:)

[susannah]

interestingly, despite the battles i've had over the years with self-esteem and self image, sexy-ness is something i seem to own... i have a lot of thoughts about this (as you know :-) so i'm going to email them to you (we didn't get a chance to talk about this in Seattle - but my feeling is that it wasn't the right time then... i think it is now. and girl, you have a LOT of sexy in you - i saw it) xxoo

[La'Saundra]

I can see myself as pretty and on a really good day I could feel comfortable calling myself beautiful…but sexy is a word that I would never use to describe myself. It’s something that I want to be, but have no idea how to be. It’s something that I recognize when I see it in others, but I have yet to really see it in myself.

I used to think that sexiness was something that some people had and other people didn’t. But now I hold the belief that though it may come more naturally to some it can still be discovered in people like me.

I don’t think that it is something obvious, like showing a lot of skin. The biggest part of sexiness is confidence. The people that are the sexiest to me seem so comfortable being themselves. They are at home in their bodies and you can see that self-assurance in everything they do.

I think sexiness is a wonderful thing to explore! I know that it has been on my mind a lot lately. But I never thought to write about it, to figure out why it is so intriguing to me, why I so want to be thought of as sexy, if only to myself. Great topic…I’m going to explore it in my own journal!

[josephine]

Sexy is aware. Sexy is strong. Sexy is curious. Sexy is in the scent of wild things, like rain or honeysuckle.

Sexy is confidence with a hint of insecurity. Sexy is knowing you've done what you need to do to be happy with your body.

Sexy is hunger. Always a hunger.

Sexy is throwing caution to the wind. Sexy is not knowing the meaning to the word slut. Sexy is being an animal. Sexy is willing to try. Sexy is remembering the beauty in every part of your history.

[kristen]

I used to feel sexy and thought that I was more sexy than pretty for a long-time. Now post baby, my body issues have changed how I view myself and I struggle to internally define what that is because I don't ever feel sexy these days and I so want that back. Being in my short-skirted ref's uniform the other night had me self-conscious about showing my body, being sexy and I realized that I've squished all that in myself and I know the reasons why....not for here though. This is a good topic, really good.

[bella]

Yes, I forgot to tell you - those pictures you took in Target for Red: SEXY. Maybe you couldn't see it, but it just radiated off of you.

[Sam]

I am having a very very hard time with this questions. Not because I am confused, but because my definition changes (which also might be why it is hard to come to terms with being sexy). My definition changes with my moods, with experiences, with what I am watching, wearing, the weather, etc. I am going to think about this question some more. Because sexy is a whole lot of things and yet is it?

Thanks for the prompt.

Sam

[laura]

Recently my two-year old niece told my sister in law that she couldn't take a nap because ..."she had to wash her hair so she could dance with the Prince.."

THAT is the beginning of sexy...taking time to care for ourselves. Enjoying the feeling of shampoo rinsing out of your hair and over your body in the shower; bubbles in a bath; lotion on damp skin; candles no matter the occasion; the feel of a skirt swishing against your legs; silk thigh highs; pretty panties and bras; blouses that accent your face AND your breasts/waist(no matter your size)...

Embrace that femminine part, get ready to dance with your Prince...when you walk, concentrate on your buttocks..feel the sensuous swing of them, EVEN the jiggle(grin).

Read up on ettiquette and practice it, sit up straight and tall, proud but then lower your eyes...sexy...

Yes, the Prince will notice..and many others, both men and women.

You go girl!

[georgia]

Oh, good subject :)

I for one have no CLUE how to be sexy. I am perhaps one of the most unsexy people I know... i wouldn't mind figuring out how to add a little sexy to my life.

~Georgia

[angela]

fascinating! i will be reading along to open up to sexy. my sexy got lost in diapers and bottles, and i haven't found it since.

[Sam]

Great question, Michelle. I think I will learn right alongside of you.

I don't think about being sexy a whole lot, but like you, I'd love to amp up the sex quotient in my life. :) For me it's hard because my husband could care less about lingerie, sexy talk, all of that, it just doesn't do anything for him - one thing I know that makes me feel sexy (and him, too) is confidence in my body - which is so much easier now that I don't have to fret about my weight, as being pregnant means no pressure to diet - just to eat healthfully. Which of course I struggle with, still.

I do think it was definitely easier in college - I could wear anything, and of course there were all those forbidden aspects to love - while I do appreciate having a bed at our disposal (and no guilt) it was definitely more fun to make out in the practice rooms!

[kristine]

I am interested in seeing how this progresses. I too think the red shoes and the pictures you took trying on clothes showed a woman who is sexy. Personally, I find sexiness in fragrance. I am always aware of how fragrance has a way of evoking a reaction. I am very particular in choosing a perfume for that reason. I always find something that fits well with my chemistry and yet is subtle but gets a desirable response and at the same time makes me feel sexy and confident. Reminds me of that 'Ugly Betty' episode where she gets the Gucci purse. Wear whatever makes you feel beautiful and confident and sexy even if others may not define it as such. I am sure we all have that one thing that does it for us every time...

[Belle]

Well it looks like "sexy" is a very powerful word, as there are so many comments!
I like what you say about "sexy" and beauty. It's true that "sexy" seems to swing better. But "sexy" without "beauty"? Oh no! And without "love"? Neither. Needs to stay in wonderland side to be an improving experience!
Don't you think?

[Bek]

I am with Susannah on this one.
Sexi is something inate in me... when I lose that feeling, it calls into question many things.
Sexi for me is just part of who I am... when I am happy and content, confident and secure.

When I am being a total arse to myself and beating myself up... not at all being my very own bestie... its kinda tough to feel sexi.

Thankfully as I am reaching near 35, those days are becoming less and less (perhaps more intense, but less).

Love to you Sexi Woman!!
Bx

[kodachrome]

sexy is a state of mind.

like all other attitudes, one is sexy when one puts oneself in that frame of mind. it doesn't hurt, however, to have that state of mind reflected back to you by another--through a glance that connects to you and says, yes, you're right. you are sexiness.

sexiness is also a pair of red shoes worn with jeans by a woman who is becoming more of who she is.

(thanks for offering to the world your interesting, inspiring, honest blog. one of the reasons i chose to stay and read it is because i found it articulate, smart, provocative, and dare i say--*sexy*!)

[Calissa]

The fact that I feel embarrassed even reading all these comments, laughing to myself and feeling my face turn red, sensing my body wanting to hide away.... this is a HUGE topic for me.

Sexy, to me, is something I have never been.... a part of me that I'm afraid to access, but also very excited to access. *grin* I feel like a 12-year-old girl with this subject. Seriously, this theme could not be coming at a better time. I'll be completely honest, my therapist and I have been working together lately to just help me say certain words out loud.... things that have happened in my life that I've never been able to verbalize or words that seem yucky coming out of my mouth. She will be SO happy to know I'm reading this blog because she's all about healthy body image and embracing femininity, AND me learning to accept the sexiness that is an innate part to every woman. Bleh, see, I can't talk about this stuff without scrunching my face up and getting embarrassed.

So good topic.... I'll be hangin' on tight for these discussions. I can already tell this will be a growing experience for me! :)

[Lara]

I love your blog. I've dropped in from time to time (I just discovered it less than a month ago), and this topic is one that will definitely keep me coming back for more.

I, too, would like to understand and live out "sexy." Perhaps I tend to equate "sexy" with "sensual"--I'm not sure. I'm interested to see what you discover.

[DebR]

Sexy is something I sometimes feel I own and exude and sometimes don't, but I feel like it's all wrapped up in attitude...way more about attitude than literal physical attributes. I can actually tell a difference in the way people relate to me on days when I have my sexy on compared to days when I feel un-sexy.

[ceanandjen]

M~ It is this sentence of yours that summed it all for me: "I can pull off beauty but sexy often leaves me feeling awkward, childish, and embarrassed." That is EXACTLY where I am with it. I can embrace the beauty...but "sexy" is so not a word that even feel comfortable with...when it comes to describing myself. My husband says I am, heck even a few girl friends have said it, but I just grimmace. (I am doing it now)

That being said, I KNOW that this discussion that you have started will touch everyone of us who read and embrace your words and your soul. I KNOW that you will give us courage to start investigating this within ourselves. And, I am excited about that.

As for what I think sexy is? I think that a woman is sexy when she is not trying. I think that it is something that she evokes. It comes from the inside; it is a different kind of confidence. It is not only about the way she looks, but the way her mind works, the way she expresses herself both verbally and her body language. I believe that we DO truly need to embrace it WITHIN ourselves to really be sexy.

Oh boy, this is going to be a ride sweet you!!!!

xoxoxxoxo

P.S. YOU...with that twinkle in your eye, your bangs sweeping across your forehead...in your new RED patent leather heels...with these words coming forth from your lips...very sexy!!!!!!

[melanie]

to me, sexy is an attitude, a confidence that begins within and then permeates past the outer layers to create an aura of confidence around someone.

a very interesting discussion!

[brittany]

There are plenty of times I feel sexy and plenty of times I don't. It's like you have to put it on when you get yourself ready in the morning. I feel comfortable in it, but I keep it to myself. Because to me it's...well, I guess you could say I feel it's sacred. That's where my difficulty lies in exploring it in settings like my blog. It's just too intimate and I like it that way. It should be interesting to see what you come up with...

[Frida]

Look what you created! This is not a post, this is the beginning of a revolution.

I have experienced a total transformation in this area of my life.

After an extremely difficult start to my sexual life I found my sense of sensuality and sexiness and it is the one thing that has never completely abandonded me, even in the darkest periods.

I'll be coming back to join you in this discussion.

You are brave and wise and wonderful for starting it.

x