Sunday Scribblings {Anticipation}

Waiting for Catherine

I'm sitting next to the window biting my lower lip while she's bent adjusting the delicate black line that runs down the back of her hose starting at her heel then disappearing under the folds of color just below her knee. This is our routine.  She does the living while I do the dreaming, waiting for the day I finally grow into my own life, waiting for the day I stop running and realize sitting by the window will never be enough. I can't help but watch her, mesmerized by the attraction of a woman who knows the power of her own life.  I know she feels my stare but she doesn't mind if I watch her dress, she likes the way I memorize the curve of her hip, the bow of her back. She looks over, catches my eye and I quickly turn my head, embarrassed, shy, intimidated by the gaze of someone I don't understand and sometimes fear, afraid that in that split second she's read every thought I've ever tried to push away--every thought about dancing too close to strangers when someone's waiting for you at home, every thought about sex for no other reason but to hear yourself breathe, every thought about the lies we tell ourselves to keep from feeling alive, every thought about what it must be like to step into her skin--awake, alive, passion amplified. “Too much…” is what they must whisper behind her back, “too much...” But I secretly wish for one moment of being too much.  She walks across the room with a seductive sway, an inviting smile, and I know I'd do whatever she wanted in order to keep her from going too far away.  She brushes my bangs off my forehead and I swear for a moment I see myself in her eyes and if I am there, lost in all that brown, then I know she's read every story tucked away in the corners of my mind.  Saying nothing, she stands and walks away while I stay where I always stay, where I think it’s safe, just out of life’s reach, on the other side of the door, waiting--waiting for her to come back with stories to be turned into poems, waiting for that moment when hunger and prayer consume the fine line that separates the living and the dreaming and keeps me one breath away from drowning in the scent of ginger she leaves behind.

Comments

[bee]

wow....this post is mesmerizing; so many concrete details, told in such a stream-of-consciousness way, it just drew me right in. this is powerful writing, michelle, powerful and so beautiful...i want to know more, like...who is catherine? ;)

[ceanandjen]

SHE is you....and you have so much inside of you. Though I know that you are not ready to take the BIG leap, you keep taking those steps that you have been taking. Those steps will become larger, and then they will turn into jumps and then leaps, and then one day....you will jump and you will fly.

You are amazing....xoxoxox

[Laini]

Beautiful, Michelle, just beautiful. I love the opening image of the stocking seam -- it really roots the whole thing in this nostalgic, sexy past, with such ease. Great writing!

[mom on a wire]

Your writing absolutely takes my breath away.

[kristine]

Wow. Powerful description. In this story I would be in your place, at the windowsill wishing I was in her place...

[DebR]

That was fabulous, Michelle!

[colorsonmymind]

I am speachless really. I keep deleting what I write because I want to whisper that I keep seeing her shadow eclipse yours-her roar escape your lips-the sexiness emitting from your photos.

It is happening, and there are bound to be moments that the shift is scary, but that just means it is changing right before your very eyes.
Love you sweetness.
XOXOXO

[nel]

You are too beautiful to watch life pass by...keep embracing what you find and live the life you were created for...nel

[kristen]

This is so lovely. And I hope that you find Catherine within yourself Michelle, because she is there, my dear, she is there.

[Jos]

What keeps you?

[Novel Nymph]

...one breath away from drowning in the scent of ginger she leaves behind...

I love ginger. That line completed my drowning in your piece, I am as humbled and stirred as everyone else...

[Marilyn]

You are plunging into some deep territory with this one, Michelle. Keep digging...I think you've found a vein of gold...keep mining. Beautiful and breathlessly astonishing, all at the same time. xoxo

[Star]

Very introspective. I think there is more intermingling of the two of you all the time. I've seen some real changes in your writing, and especially your photography, since your trip. This tango is building.

[susannah]

I love what Star wrote - This tango is building - YES. you are becoming one, she is you amd you are her. 2007 is the launch of more than just Tangled Wings, my angel, it is the launch of YOU xox (come stand on the back porch with me and smoke a vanilla cigarette ;-)

[Regina Clare Jane]

I kept reading it over and over- it was beautiful and hopeful and anticipatory of things to come... something in it for all of us...
Thank you.

[MB]

You know that you are both. The question is in what moments you will feel the two as one. This was a beautiful read.

[snowsparkle]

michelle, this is an incredible piece of writing! wow! love it! at the end, i actually got chills! i feel this same way when i dress up to go out dancing... i feel foreign to myself.

"every thought about sex for no other reason but to hear yourself breathe, every thought about the lies we tell ourselves to keep from feeling alive, every thought about what it must be like to step into her skin--awake, alive, passion amplified. “Too much…” is what they must whisper behind her back, “too much...” "

[Alex]

Thank you for this wave of beauty! I'm blown away by your incredible writing... Makes me float!

[Susiej]

Thank you. Very, very nice. Is there a book deep inside you?

[liz elayne]

i am sitting here crying...drinking in your every word...honoring the very woman that you are and that you are becoming. this is beautiful writing my friend...and star's image of the tango is perfect.

[tongue in cheek]

Michelle, this is such a great piece of writing!! You surprise every single day...bravo!! This is the beginning of a bestseller!