SPC {Imperfection Boycott-4}

I tale of beauty…

A girl-child is born and her spirit is full.  She is overflowing with light and energy, creativity and fearlessness, innocence and wonder, love and generosity, and beauty, so much beauty.  And she believes in her beauty.  She believes she is Wonder Woman.  She believes she is a princess and Miss America and Marie Osmond.  She knows in her heart she is more beautiful than anything, even Barbie.  She likes to look at her own image, to make faces at herself and blow kisses to her reflection.  She talks to herself because she is her own best friend.  Her beauty touches everything in her world.

Sadly it doesn’t take long for her to begin to doubt what she is born knowing.  Insult and omission enter her life and her beauty is challenged.  There is the boy she likes who laughed at her.  The time her grandmother suggested she go on a diet.  The teacher who made fun of her early developing breasts.  There is the church member who said her sister was a little Christie Brinkley and because her name wasn't mentioned she believes she isn’t a little Christie Brinkley.  There are the boys in the youth group in love with her best friend, not her, and lists of pretty girls’ names that hers isn’t a part of.  With every experience a piece of her beauty breaks off and stays in that moment.  Time goes on, she moves forward, but that piece of beauty stays behind.  And oh how it aches.  She feels the pain in the deepest places of her heart.  It is tender like a bruise, throbbing like a deep gash, stinging like a paper-cut.  And it never goes away.

The girl child grows up and becomes a woman.  But the insults don’t stay in her childhood.  Even the comments that are intended for good, intended to rattle her out of her stupor, cut into her soul.  There is the girlfriend who asked to borrow her big bra as a joke.  The boyfriend who pointed out what she could look like if only she’d exercise a little more.  The husband who insisted it was disgusting if her thighs brushed together when she walked.  There are the images that surrounded her, on TV, in the movies, on magazine covers, images of women that she doesn't resemble.  Her body has curves and dimples, her hips are wide and her breasts aren’t perky.  When she sees these images she begins to compare and with each comparison she begins to believe she isn’t enough, she isn’t acceptable, she isn’t beautiful.  And the pieces of her beauty continue to break off.  Soon there is nothing left but a dark deep hole of longing.

She wakes each day to the ache of this hole in the center of her being and although this hole is filled with doubt and disillusionment and discontent it still feels empty.  But then she notices something.  There in the furthest places of her hope is one piece of beauty she kept for herself.  It is tiny and fragile but it is just enough.  She begins to nurture this ‘just enough’ piece.  She feeds it affirmations and waters it with confidence.  She protects it from the harsh light of those who can’t see the possibility and she fertilizes it with the love of those who can.  Slowly the ‘just enough’ piece begins to grow until it presses against the walls of the furthest places of her hope.  She has to open the door, let it breathe and move and find new life.  As this ‘just enough’ piece begins to expand into other places of her soul something extraordinary begins to happen, this ‘just enough’ piece becomes like a magnet and begins drawing back the pieces of beauty that lay scattered in her past.  Each piece that is reclaimed begins to grow back into the ‘just enough’ piece until it is more than enough.  Not every piece can be reclaimed.  There are some pieces that are too far gone, withered and lifeless, and the ache they left behind will always remain.  But that is okay because the ‘more than enough’ piece has far more power than the ache she feels. 

A funny thing happens.  As the pieces of her beauty begin to heal she feels the rumble of something deep below the surface.  It is anger—a holy, righteous anger.  She once knew a man who took a well known Bible verse and added his own twist.  He used to say, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free…but first it will piss you off.”  She knows what he meant.  When she comes face to face with the lies she believed and the cruelties she endured that had fiercely bitten off chunks of her beauty she becomes angry—angry at a society that is blind to beauty, angry at others who tried to control her beauty and make it their own, angry at the narrow definitions and misleading beliefs that kept beauty an arms length away, always in the hands of someone else.  That anger gives her fuel and that fuel gives her power and that power opens her eyes and her heart and she begins to believe.  She begins to believe she is beautiful.  Her roots stretch deep into the earth, her branches lift towards the sun.  They bud and bloom and soon pieces of fruit start to appear in her leaves.  And finally the day comes—a rumble in the earth, a light brighter than the sun, an explosion of heat. She is one fire.  But her branches aren’t consumed.  She is like the burning bush Moses met in the wilderness, full of flame and glory and god.  She burns and burns and burns.  And the heat ripens her fruit and it begins to spill over the Earth, dropping from her limbs, scattering over the ground, rolling out from the shadow of her branches.  This day becomes as important as the day of her birth, maybe even more so, because on this day she KNEW.

The woman still burns.  She’s still nurturing her ‘more than enough’ piece.  She’s still gathering up the scattered pieces she lost along the way.  She’s still reclaiming her beauty.  When you see her you will know her.  She is the one bending down, picking up a piece of the fruit born from her journey.  She is the one stretching out her scared but powerful arm, handing you a piece so that you can eat and feel replenished and can continue on the journey of reclaiming your own beauty.     

Comments

[DebR]

What a wonderful tale of beauty. You glow in that photo!

[bee]

"She feels the pain in the deepest places of her heart. It is tender like a bruise, throbbing like a deep gash, stinging like a paper-cut. And it never goes away. ... There in the furthest places of her hope is one piece of beauty she kept for herself. It is tiny and fragile but it is just enough. ...She is like the burning bush Moses met in the wilderness, full of flame and glory and god. She burns and burns and burns. And the heat ripens her fruit and it begins to spill over the Earth, dropping from her limbs, scattering over the ground, rolling out from the shadow of her branches. This day becomes as important as the day of her birth, maybe even more so, because on this day she KNEW."

michelle...this is fantastic. this is such an incredible affirmation of personal power, and hope, and loss, redemption...what a wonderful, powerful writer you are. thank you so much for this. thank you so much for YOU.

[Melba]

I feel blessed to bare witness to your journey.

Others here can tell you you are beautiful and it is nice to hear, but it feels so different to Know.

This evening I was reading a chapter in my True Balance book and one of the questions asked
"What do you want to attract in your life?"
I answered in the book
"I want to Know..."
To Know is so Powerful!

Sometimes I feel the energy of the world...especially in the blogging world to be so great, so big, so positive and full. There is ebb and flow. Tonight I am feeling the Flow.

[Janet]

Fantastic post! And the portrait has depth and inner, as well as outer, beauty. I've been really enjoying reading your SPC imperfection boycott posts.

[mom on a wire]

I am in awe of you.

[Dan]

Michelle-

You are beautiful, and I am glad that you are beginning to realize the extent of your beauty. :D

Dan

[tongue in cheek]

I am standing up applauding YOU!! BRAVA!! BRAVA!! BRAVA!!

Excellent writing!!

[Nel]

You have touched my heart. It is my passion to see women living the life they were created to live and finding the beauty in it and in themselves...Nel

[C. Delia]

Your words break my heart, then set about mending it again. I appreciate every single one of them...I have been this girl. I only hope I can say I am becoming this woman. You are doing deep, important work--I hope you see that in the mirror as well, beautiful one.

[gkgirl]

that was amazing.
kept me riveted to my seat
through the whole thing...
great work!
:)

[Jamie]

I'm taking a deep breath and just letting your words flow through me. I recognize so much of the girl you described and the sometimes cruel environment she lived in. I remember the confusion of being whistled at and barked at on the same day. And when I'm feeling lost, I remember that little girl who looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, knowing she was beautiful.

Thank you for reminding us all of our beauty and for consistently showing yours in all its dimensions, both glowing and vulnerable.

[herhimnbryn]

I hear you roar.

[deirdre]

I like this idea of a "more than enough" piece, that it can be nurtured until it spills out into the world. You've given me something to think about today.

[wendy]

Perhaps your strongest pc to date...And I figured out why your pictures are so bewitching.. you are so THERE in yout pictures..relaxed in your beauty...Very high praise!

[Veronica]

I want every woman I know to read this. It is so powerful and beautiful. Thank you for your words.

[Sheila]

This is such a beautiful and emotional post.It moves me greatly.I look at my beautiful baby grand daughters, so sure and confident in themselves, and it breaks my heart that they will go through all you have written about. My wish is, that like you, they will one day know they are beautiful, and always were, and not feel the hurt too badly inbetween.

[liz elayne]

the power of your words. the beauty. the truth.

yes, yes, yes.

thank you for writing these words, for sharing here. i learn from you...i learn. thank you.

[Colorsonmymind]

I am reaching out for a piece of that fruit you offer.

Your metaphor was flawless and so well described.

The story wasn't very long but it covered so much-allowed me to travel a bit of this long journey you have blossomed from.

I love your strength and your tender generous heart.

XOXOXO

[boho]

thank you for this piece of fruit.

i read this post with a tear dripping down my cheek.

you're so beautiful. your heart has so much wisdom and deep~ness. i feel so honored to know you.

i loved reading the growth, your rebirth...your very powerful rebirth. i felt a swelling within.

i understand so much of this well. i had a five year relationship where comments like you mentioned here were often spoken. "if you could only be...".

learning i was enough was so empowering, like you share here. something you and i should talk about over wine. soon.

i adore you.

[ceanandjen]

You brought tears to my eyes with this piece. How true it is. As I was reading it, it occurred to me how much I have suppressed from those developing years...there was a lot of uglines thrown at me, and I indeed suffered as a result. I questioned my worth, my beauty, my everything. I am now working to reclaim it. This beautiful work of yours made me realize why.

And your photo....you are true beauty.

[Darlene]

In life, nothing goes unheard, and we are not born with filters to cover our ears, so that our hearing can have perspective and censorship. As adults, we have to spend that time going back, listening to the you/child and applying the balm and bandaides.

I hear your healing and it is music!

Thank you for all of your kind supportive words...they were my balm.

love to you,
Darlene

[Bek~Aussie Chick~]

Go Girl...
YOU ARE GORGEOUS!!
That is a stunning photo ... really beautiful *you*
Thanks so much for your truth, its exceptional.
Powerful and true.
I accept your piece of fruit.
I am glad you know better even than the day you were born... and you are most definately on fire!!!
Hottie!
Bek

[dani]

michelle, you are so stunningly eloquent. so bravely independent and unique. and a seriously beautiful woman!

i am so so happy to know you.

[beansprout]

Beautiful post and stunning photo. This post so touched my heart and spirit. Thank you so much for your words.

[Amber]

I want to print this out and hand it out to girls at high schools everywhere! Excellent, deep writing. Such a true true true message.

And I really think you ARE beautiful. I remember the first picture of your face I saw on your blog, and I thought how beautiful you were.

:)